I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
