I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize