Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
