i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
