Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
