Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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