I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
