The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
