You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
