Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
