NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
