I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
