I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
