plz talk dirty to me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize