I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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