Little spoons don't ask big questions
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
