That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
God, I missed his penis.
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