I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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