highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
