So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
