i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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