Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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