How'd it feel making her break her religion?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize