I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
