Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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