Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
