Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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