My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
