Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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