sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
