Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
