and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
