Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
