I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
