Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
