We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this just has baby written all over it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
