I want to make a zoo with you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
