I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
