Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
