is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He shit in the fireplace
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
