i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
