people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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