I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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