dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
