STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
