No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
