Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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