I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
