you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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