he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
