haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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