you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize