You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
