wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
