I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
