Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
