I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
