it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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