finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize