Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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