I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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