Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
