I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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