i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
