I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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