My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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