i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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