Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
