The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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