you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
