Only a mothe r could love this liver
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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