The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
