I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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