My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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