Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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