What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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