im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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