this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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