some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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