So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
