watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
