After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
