How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
