your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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