I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
