when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
