I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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