your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
