Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dick very happy bro
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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