i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't turn off my feet"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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