I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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