On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My feet surprised me
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