my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So vagazzling was a success
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize