I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
