Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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