a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Im part way to drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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