I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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