how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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